Totally stolen from my OTHER blog...

This year, instead of making one or two big new year's resolutions, I decided to make 12 mini-month-long goals. Think of it as the approach of the not-super-committed-individual. That's me! Consistency and self-mastery are really difficult for me.

For January, I chose a goal that is generally one of my year-long goals that gets spotty success. As I near the end of this month I see that I still have spotty success but I don't feel that great weight of failure. And I like it! 30 days is just enough to possibly form a good habit, but not long enough to make me feel the dread that can accompany deadlines/timelines/goal-setting [for me]. In any case, because I don't feel that disappointment I think I'm more apt to continue or to keep this goal on my radar. The goal? Read, ponder, and write about a scripture or other religious content. I'm about 70% effective in doing this. Not great, but not terrible. And I can tell you that I've really liked it! It brings me back to the days of my mission. Oh how I love learning! Structured learning is my best environment [I nearly leaped for joy when I heard an Institute Class on the Old Testament with childcare was being offered in our Stake! Yessssss! Something structured to force me to read, think, learn!].

Here are a few of my favorite things that I've read, listened to, or thought about this month:

A. This excellent broadcast/talk by Randall L. Ridd (I didn't know who he was either...) on Living with Purpose: The Importance of 'Real Intent.' I loved it! Nothing too new but great examples and story, honest voice, focuses on divine principles and the Savior, great pace. It started by picking up on one of the challenges I feel I sometimes face and he goes on to talk about a solution: Too many choices and the fear of making bad decisions often lead to decision paralysis, which is one of the challenges of your generation. It is more difficult to focus than ever! ...Too many people are afraid to commit to anything because they question whether a better option is right around the corner. So they wait—and end up choosing nothing. In this passive state they are easy targets for distraction. The antidote for that... is ...living with purpose. I also liked this quote from the talk: Elder Tad R. Callister asked: “Why is it so critical to have a correct vision of this divine destiny of godliness of which the scriptures and other witnesses so clearly testify? Because with increased vision comes increased motivation.”³  And this gem: It has been said that “the two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why” you were born.² Because we have the gospel, we don’t have to spend our entire life trying to discover its purpose. Instead, we can focus on fulfilling that purpose. I could share so many more good things from this talk but just go read it yourself! Seriously!!! It's so very, very good!

B. A fresh but not snarky look at the Young Women values via a contribution from the blog By Common Consent that uses real women as examples of these virtues and principles. It's not anything lengthy or world-unsettling, but it's a nice change and perspective. Not all of the quotes are the best - I think if I had, ya know, one or two days of scouring the world wide web I could find ones that I liked better, but some of the quotes are spot on. One of my favorites? This quote by Chieko Okasaki: "Be spiritually independent enough that your relationship with the Savior doesn't depend on your circumstances or on what other people say and do. Have the spiritual independence to be a Mormon - the best Mormon you can - in your own way." Because I have three daughters, every once in a while (or more often) I get these anxiety attacks about how very, very deeply I want them to know who they are, to be confident, to know their divine self-worth and use it for good. Ah! It's so stressful! So much is working against young girls and women to make us [feel] less powerful and confident than our potential! Ah... this could go on to be an entire post of its own.

C. I serve in the Primary at church so I don't get to attend Relief Society lessons that use the Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Ezra Taft Benson manual. But Marc has been listening to the lessons while he does dishes and so I've gotten to hear quite a bit of this prophet's words as well. I like them! Many of my remembrances/associations of this prophet revolve around deciding to read the Book of Mormon when I was young girl because he placed such an emphasis on this book of scripture. That one action has been a great basis for my beliefs and testimony about the Savior and the truth of scripture. The other association I have with President Benson are his strong words about motherhood. Oh the angst they caused me, post-mission, when I was applying to medical school! But, that is old stuff. This stuff I've been reading/hearing lately Man does not stand alone, or at least, he need not stand alone. Prayer will open doors; prayer will remove barriers; prayer will ease pressures; prayer will give inner peace and comfort during times of strain and stress and difficulty. Thank God for prayer." I love how that quote makes clear that prayer is not a panacea, but it is a key to peace. And this: “it is better to prepare and prevent than it is to repair and repent.” And finally these words that make me think so much about principles of public health and medicine and the need for our Savior and His way of doing things: “The Lord works from the inside out. The world works from the outside in. The world would take people out of the slums. Christ takes the slums out of people, and then they take themselves out of the slums. The world would mold men by changing their environment. Christ changes men, who then change their environment. The world would shape human behavior, but Christ can change human nature. …“Yes, Christ changes men, and changed men can change the world.”
is great! Like these gems:  "The great test of life is obedience to God. ...The great task of life is to learn the will of the Lord and then do it. The great commandment of life is to love the Lord." And "

D. Finally, just a tidbit from the scriptures. [You'll notice that most of my reading and pondering is over "modern" material, straight from LDS.org and living church leaders and prophets. Scripture reading has been a challenge for me the past few years. I like it when I do it, but it's so much harder for me to turn to the ancient scriptures because I feel like it's so much quicker for me to get spiritually fed from articles in the Ensign magazine, attending the temple,General Conference messages, or Mormon Messages videos. So, I'm going the quick route most often these days. :) So, in Matthew 13:17 it talks about how many prophets and righteous people will miss the meanings of the parables. I think of how often I hear but don't understand. How often I go through the motions but don't do so with real intent. I'm not mindful enough to make it meaningful. In verse 23 it says to hear, understand and bear good fruit. I feel pushed to magnify my efforts and do better. These verses give me a gentle nudge to desire to do better in my seeking and pondering and acting to be more like my Savior.

So, that's a glimpse into some of the good things I've gleaned from my January goal. 

These things are True

Well, my reading of the Book of Mormon recently has averaged about 5 verses per day. Not so hot. And part of that is maintained only because I try to read 3 verses to 3 year old Madeleine during breakfast as a nod to good parenting.

Ether 4:11
But he that believeth these things which I have spoken, him will I visit with the manifestations of my Spirit, and he shall know and bear record. For because of my Spirit he shall know that these things are true; for it persuadeth men to do good.

I'm supposed to teach a lesson in Relief Society in a little less than 2 weeks and I am freaking out. The suggestion was to teach on the Book of Mormon, that being a theme of a recent Ensign and much of the most recent General Conference. Sadly, I don't feel inspired or ready or excited about teaching that topic! Which to me means that I haven't been reading it enough and feeling the power of it enough.

So, while I do know that the things of the Book of Mormon are true ("things" being the sophisticated term for principles, teachings, truths...) and that they not only persuade me to do good but they help me feel good. I don't know if I have yet been visited with manifestations of the Spirit (or maybe I have been visited with such but haven't been listening) and I am not sure how powerfully I will be able to bear record of this. But I do believe and know that the Book of Mormon is true.

It is real. The teachings are true. It is a historical account. It is a blessing. It is a story. It is gospel teaching. It is the words of Christ. I believe this. And because I have had the spirit testify to me of its truthfulness, I KNOW this.

P.S. I'll let you know what topic I finally do decide to teach. May inspiration come quickly! May I be worthy of it!

Sacrifice & Faith

I need to learn the Bible better. *and, yes, I realize that was a poor use of the english language

We were discussing Paul's (Paul, right? See what I'm saying? I don't know the Bible) teachings to the Hebrews in Sunday School and I had something of an epiphany.

My Patriarchal blessing talks specifically about Hebrews chapter 11 which is an entire chapter about faith. Good old faith. Why is this the hardest principle for me to comprehend? Perhaps it has something to do with the complexity of the subject.

But, I digress...

I've read chapter 11 countless times. I've tried to understand it and apply it to my life. The result has been something akin to: "So... faith." Nothing more. Nothing less. In and of itself, this is a good lesson, n'est-ce pas? But there is more to it than that (obvi)!

The chapters that precede ch11 contain Paul's teachings to a Jewish (converted to Christianity) nation whose roots were so tightly wrapped around the Law of Moses that they struggled to understand that Christ's sacrifice replaced the tradition of blood sacrifices.

Oh, to actually know the history of the bible!

This led me to ponder the relationship between sacrifice and faith. Is there faith without sacrifice? Is there sacrifice without faith? Turns out? They are in a seriously committed relationship! Like, goin'-to-the-chapel-and-gonna-get-married kind of relationship.

I tried to think of an instance wherein sacrifice occurred without faith and vica versa. I couldn't think of any. So, is it safe to say they are mutually exclusive?

Either way, I took a look at my life, at the things the Lord has asked me to sacrifice (hello, 33 and single!) and I think I get what the Lord is trying to tell me ("hey, kid! you're gonna need some faith!")

I think there is more to it that this but I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. Thoughts?

Jacob... my new favorite BoM prophet

I'm going to have a lot more to say about this tomorrow but I would just like to say that I love Jacob! WOWZA! He is intense and speaks/teaches with incredible power. I just read the entire book of Jacob tonight and, just... wow.

I couldn't wait to show you how I "illustrated" chapter 5. For some reason this has been a chapter that has been somewhat confusing in the past. I mean, there are just so many trees and branches that it's hard to keep track of them all! I drew/wrote it all out so that I could make some sense of it and, believe it or not, it kind of worked!

Mormon 9 Applies!

To be honest, I didn't think that I would have much insight or anything to share from the rest of Mormon. Just sadness, carnage, and loneliness of a prophet and his son. Sad stuff.

But, just now I read Mormon 9 and guess what? I can see how some things can apply to an actual situation that I've been facing with a family member. We've had, shall we say, a little tiff. Where I may or may not have been somewhat critical or chastising of them.

Verse 27: "and come unto the Lord with all your heart, and work out your own salvation with fear and trembling before him."... well, from this I take it I need to probably lay off and a) take my grievances to the Lord, humble MYSELF, and worry about my relationship with Heavenly Father first and b) let my family member work out THEIR OWN salvation instead of me getting all in their face and business. Hmph. I guess that put me in my place. We are our own agents. Particularly when I should honor and respect this family member quite significantly, I think that in this case... I am not responsible for their salvation. As a friend of mine once said about her husband who was, as she saw it, less observant than she: "I realized that he didn't need a Savior. He has a Savior. He needs me to love him. To be his wife, not his Savior." More love, more charity. Less chastisement. Okay, I see. It applies to me today.

and Verse 31: "Condemn me not because of mine imperfection, neither my father, because of his imperfection,..." Again, the same mercy which I hope to receive (and honestly have received) from this family member and from God, should be the same that I show unto him/her. I don't want to be condemned for my imperfections and neither should I condemn. Oy. I have been put in my place. And exactly at a time when I though these particular chapters were "yadee yada" - stuff that I thought was good but not applicable. How much I have to learn.

God is a God of miracles. He miraculously guides me and has mercy on me. Reminds me continually. Gets me through things. Is there for me. It's a miracle, especially considering all that He has on His plate.

GC!!!!

So excited for General Conference. Must not take it for granted. We will hear the Lord's prophets speak.

And thank you for helping to give me added motivation to read! Seriously. Having this. Having you post actually DOES help me to be more consistent in me reading. Lame. But true. I needed you.

Line upon line

I've got a few weeks worth of scriptural thoughts that have become somewhat jumbled in my mind and notes that have been scattered on random pieces of paper throughout my house and I'm sad that I didn't get them recorded here. However, it's never too late to start, right? So, here we go. (I can't promise anything mind blowing)

2 Nephi 28:27-30 - Perhaps I never tied these verses together or I thought that only BookofMormon-hatin'-persecutors would ever say something like "We've had enough of your word, Lord! We don't need no more!" I mean, who says that?! But, how many times have I been reading in the scriptures or listening to a lesson/talk in church and thought, "Ugh! Again?! I just read this!" or "We just had this lesson last week!" or "Why should I pray about this morning and night, every day? The Lord already knows!" Guilty!

There is a reason we're asked to read and reread the scriptures. There is a reason that the "Gospel Principles" manual is what we study in RS. The Lord tells us to pray continually for a reason (*isn't there a scripture about how we should weary the Lord with our prayers? It's going to drive me crazy until I find it). The principles of the gospel don't change, but we, as individuals, do! We have to assimilate certain things before we are able to move on. Some days we need one thing, some days we need another. It's like how each time you read the scriptures you learn something new.

And, like you've mentioned before, the key to progression is consistency. We have to read/pray/ponder daily in order for the Lord to give us more.

2 Nephi 25:23 - "it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do" Oh! How I am grateful for Christ's grace!

Ever since you wrote about progression and chastisement I've been thinking about my own personal progression. Where do I stand today in comparison to where I've been in the past.

I know I'm not as spiritual or as strong today as I was as a missionary, for example. It's not something that I'm proud of but at the same time I'm not ashamed of it either. The reason is because of the grace of the Lord.

The past few years have presented me with some pretty rough trials, things that have worn me down, in all honesty. Maybe things wouldn't have been so hard had I been faithful in my prayers & study of the scriptures. I wasn't and that is something for which I am trying to repent.

The beauty of it all, though, is that Jesus Christ is merciful. And it's ok that I'm not as good today as I was 10 years ago. Today I am doing my best and my best today isn't what my best was 10 years ago. Today, my best is meager. But it is my best. And for the time being, Christ will fill in the gaps until I arrive at a time when I am stronger and more able to live a more spiritual, Christ-like life.

I know, I KNOW!, that Christ is merciful with us through our trials... well, throughout our entire life! Isn't life just one big trial, anyway?

I was thinking about you and all that is on your plate right now. All good things. All worthy pursuits. And I believe the Lord sees your efforts and is proud of you and grateful that you are giving Him what you are able to. And His job, which he does willingly, is to make up for what we can't do. And together we are enough!

With Christ we are enough!